I have eaten a few too many pies to make it to the beach this year. And, if I did, Greenpeace would confuse me for a beached whale. Pies, crisps, booze and cake - creaky hips and a stiff back; I am hitting forty soon and running out of time to play football for England.
So, I have decided to get fit.
The best course of action to get fit is to sit down and have a watch of some exercise videos. Thankfully, Bez from The Happy Mondays will be starting to make videos on YouTube - you can keep your Joe Wicks.
I am currently built more like Sean Ryder than my skinny past - and the thought of Extra PE scares me; but it is better than the other options - an early death or debilitating stroke.
Here is the fun part -